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The Fine Line Between A Poor Date And Sexual Assault: 2 Views On Aziz Ansari

The Fine Line Between A Poor Date And Sexual Assault: 2 Views On Aziz Ansari published a lady’s account of a romantic date with comedian Aziz Ansari that she says converted into “the worst evening” of her life. In discussion with NPR’s Kelly McEvers, two authors — Caitlin Flanagan associated with Atlantic and Anna North of Vox — discuss whether or not the tale defines a poor date, intimate attack or one thing in the middle.


Folks are talking a lot by what took place following a supper date involving the comedian Aziz Ansari and a new woman going by the title of Grace. That is not her genuine name. The web site Babe published her account of this date and stated it safeguarded her identification because she actually is maybe maybe perhaps not a general public figure. Grace claims she chose to tell her tale after she saw Aziz Ansari winnings a honor at last week’s Golden Globes. He had been putting on a pin to guide the motion against intimate assault and harassment.


Grace and Ansari came across at a celebration year that is last. They texted afterward. They eventually sought out.

Grace defines exactly just exactly what she claims was the night that is worst of her life. And also this tale has triggered a giant debate. Did she experience intimate attack as she stated, or ended up being it simply a negative date? We will hear from two females with various views. And demonstrably we are going to be pressing on some themes that are mature which means this discussion is probably not suited to all audience.

Anna North has been us. She actually is a senior reporter who covers sex problems at Vox. greeting to your show.

ANNA NORTH: Many Thanks plenty for having me personally.

MCEVERS: And Caitlin Flanagan is a journalist and adding editor at The Atlantic. She actually is with us on Skype. Welcome to you.


MCEVERS: OK, in order to set up this tale a bit more, Grace claims that things got real at Aziz Ansari’s apartment after supper. They kissed. He performed dental intercourse on her. He asked her to complete the exact same. She quickly did. He had been desperate to have sexual intercourse. She states she’d make an effort to go away she was uncomfortable with the situation from him and used, quote, “verbal and non-verbal cues” to show. Yet he kept attempting. She fundamentally claims she is going to phone a motor vehicle. He gets her an Uber, and she renders. And she seems violated.

And i recently wish to ask you to answer both – so we’ll begin with Caitlin – that which was your very first response once you check this out story?

FLANAGAN: I happened to be actually amazed that this piece had called this guy, kept the accuser’s name key after which had actually detailed a complete large amount of actions that i did not think after all qualified as intimate attack by virtually any degree. I believe he did some dishonorable things. I do believe he did several things that, you realize, if I became allowed to be the individual man looking for wife responsible for approving or disapproving of exactly what he did, I do believe there have been several things he did that have beenn’t good. Nonetheless it was to date far from any standard that is journalistic. I was thinking it ended up being actually shocking. And I also thought, which is a terrible thing to do in order to someone.

MCEVERS: And, Anna, think about you? Exactly just What’d you might think?

NORTH: i am talking about, actually, my very first effect had been simply type of recognition. This might be a situation that I’ve heard from my buddies. This really is – the behavior she defines through Ansari is behavior that i have heard males confess to inside their lives that are own. This feels real familiar so i thought, like, yep. And I also did have questions regarding, should Babe have managed it because of this? But eventually, like, my thought that is first was tale – this really is simply therefore typical.

MCEVERS: And Caitlin, you composed, you realize, about type of a divide that is generational it comes down to circumstances such as this. It absolutely was actually interesting. In your piece, you chatted concerning the mags – the publications and publications you read inside the ’60s therefore the ’70s as to what ladies have to do in times similar to this. As well as on the main one hand, those publications, you understand, blamed you if you wore too in short supply of a dress. But having said that, they told one to keep your angry cash and hightail it if perhaps you were in times you did not like, appropriate?

FLANAGAN: Well, i am talking about, whenever I have a look at women – i am within my 50s – they have achieved therefore much that is merely – after all, ladies my age sit back in just awe, you understand? Their objectives for professions, the sorts of professions they’re going into, their battle become compensated similarly to guys – it really is breathtaking. However in this 1 core area, they truly are therefore poor, that is they hop into these, you understand, hookup circumstances. We have zero moralistic touch upon that.

Then they become terrified to state the one thing that people had been taught straight away – do not kiss me personally if I do not wish to be kissed.

I definitely refuse. I am walking away from right here. As well as somebody who’s such as the Aziz Ansari in this example who had been setting up zero threatening behavior she said no exactly one time and his response was, let’s put our clothes on towards her. You understand, she was put by him turn in their crotch a number of times, which can be undoubtedly incorrect. But it’s – become exposed this means, i do believe, is crazy.

MCEVERS: So we should simply state that Grace when you look at the piece said that she provided spoken and non-verbal cues that she don’t wish this to take place. But, Anna, i recently would like you to definitely react to this.

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